bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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