Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
