I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
