I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
