She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we're making bets on your personal life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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