I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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