Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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