I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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