Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
