It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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