I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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