the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
