I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
