What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
