that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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