Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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