Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
