I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
