That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
