Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
