So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
