Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
