It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
