I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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