This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
