Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
