I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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