I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
