Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
