Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
