pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
