The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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