i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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