the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
