i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
