I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
