let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize