The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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