Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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