i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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