If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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