Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
