Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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