im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
