would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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