how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
