WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize