take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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