Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
