Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
