I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
