Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize