sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
