Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
