its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
