I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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