Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
