Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
