I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize