I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
ok first of all what the fuck
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
