Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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