Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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