umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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