when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He better not be in your backpack
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
