well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
