So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
