Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
