i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize